[HOT NEWS] Hazards of Being a SAN Reporter

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Toompert

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Hazards of Being a SAN Reporter
6th of April 2015
Toompert Daman

Rodeo, Los Santos - It is clear that the crime rate in Los Santos is rising at an alarming rate. Often our reporters are right on top of it covering the action up close and personal. On the one hand; this is great for our listening and viewing rates as well as copies sold of our newspaper. On the other hand it has made the job of being a SAN (San Andreas News) reporter a lot more dangerous. Almost daily they get assaulted for a story they did, unintentionally being in the middle of a gunfight or their camera gets mistaken for a gun ((badge being mistaken for a bandana)).


(SAN Reporters often assaulted in Los Santos)

Not even two days ago I was driving around Market with reporter Albert Einstein to sell tickets for the upcoming Mega Lottery when we ended up in the middle of a gunfight near All Saints Hospital. The shooters aimed their weapons at us to avoid getting their picture taken while committing a punishable crime. Several bullets had pierced the SA News van forcing us to leave the vehicle before it blew up. While looking for another vehicle to make a getaway from the scene the quick thinking Albert changed into a fireman outfit to (unsuccessfully) confuse the gunmen. Unfortunately he got shot in his back with an automatic shotgun and I got grazed by a bullet from a desert eagle but managed to leave the area.


(Albert Einstein shot in the back, concerned citizens rushed to help him)

Reporter Eddie Martin experienced a horrible week being harassed and assaulted twice in a short period of time. Mr. Martin got roughed up by a drug dealer for writing a story on the hand signals used by them (www.SANews.com/drug-dealers). Upon leaving the hospital, tragedy struck again as he was kidnapped, blindfolded and tied got injected with a venomous poison. He was found in a dumpster by garbage men and was brought to All Saints to pump out his stomach.


(Eddie Martin found in a dumpster with the syringe still stuck in his chest)

Another reporter, Mr. Luke Griffin, was beaten up and left for dead in the woods after he refused to rig next week’s lottery (www.SANews.com/MegaLottery). Mr. Griffin was saved after a LSFMD helicopter flew over the area to put out a forest fire. He is doing fine and lottery is still on track (tickets are still available).


(Luke Griffin left for dead between Los Santos and Dillimore)

Measures should be taken to ensure the safety of SANews reporters: “Our audience wants our reporters to be right on top of the action, preferably reporting as an eyewitness. This poses threads for them, quite frankly I can’t guarantee their safety once they leave our office.” Said network producer Mr. Leroy Gelson. He continues: “I’ve asked the government numerous times for increased security measures such as a better quality safety vest. At least make an investment in vehicles we can get away in in case of trouble, sultans or premiers for example, the news van just isn’t fast enough to get away from a gunfight.” The SANews helicopters are restricted to high level employees ever since SAN Intern Burt Lader injured and killed a man with a helicopter blade his first day on the job.

We hope that the government will make a sincere effort to increase the safety of our colleagues…





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Sharpe

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Comment: I, officer opy will do my best to kill whoever shoots Albert in the a**.

Sent from my batenjan.
 
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Tenzee

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Comment: Feel free to call me up at 51555 for any security service ran by the $h33n Mercinary Familia
 
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Name: Luke Griffin
Comment: Totally agree. We reporters need faster rides and more protection. Nice writing as usual.
 
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Slizzer

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Name: Albert Einstein
Comment: How many times have I told you, you need street cred and a rep like mine to be able to take pictures without getting injured!
Keep up the good work, great article!
 
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